God frowns

Via BoingBoing, some truth for God’s youth:

The Church of God is made up of seven separate eras, recorded in Revelation 2 and 3. Today we live in the Laodicean era (Rev. 3:14-21)—the seventh and last era of the Church. Last century was, for the most part, the time of the sixth era, Philadelphia.

Okay, that’s harsh. I mean, sure, they’re not doing great, but they spent all last season languishing with a disgruntled T.O. But why hate? They’ve offloaded T.O. onto Dallas, so now he’s Parcells’ problem. I’d say he’s Bledsoe’s problem, but really, Bledsoe is also Parcells’ problem.

The Eagles have had a great start to their season, and while I don’t think they’re going to win any Superbowls this year, I also don’t think it’s fair to consign them to last century. I wouldn’t even count them out of the playoffs.

Also, who the fuck is Laodicea? Is this some expansion team? We don’t need that shit. The Texans are enough.

But we were talking about blogs. Blogs are totally unchristian:

The Internet—and more specifically blogs—has enabled everyone to have a voice on any matter. Now everyone’s thoughts are “published” for all to see. Whether or not it is effective, as soon as something is posted the person has a larger voice. It often makes the blogger feel good or makes him feel as if his opinion counts—when it is mostly mindless blather!

All right, that’s my word. Given the forum, here, I can hardly argue with that.

Ask yourself, “Do I have a tendency to want to have a voice?”


This has grown so out of control it is routine for a person to start a daily blog entry with a single word that details his or her mood. A blog entry will start: “Current mood: ____” The level of shallowness and emotional immaturity this represents is astonishing! In the grand scheme of things, why would the world at large care?

That’s just offsides. Livejournal’s a big, fat, easy target, but lay off. Some of my best friends are Livejournalers! Not to mention some of the finest minds writing today. And where would you go for your Buffy slashfic if we didn’t have Livejournal? Jerk.

Stop and consider. The biggest mark you will ever make is to build God’s character and be born into the God Family. Blogging will not help you achieve this.

Totally. Writing every day, honing your craft, thinking about how you want to represent yourself — all these things are poisonous to being an effective evangelist for the Good News. Good point. Airtight.

Ask yourself: Why would you have the need to share personal things with people you don’t even know—i.e., the world at large?

Yeah, you didn’t see Jesus or the apostles running around talking to all sorts of people about– um…

If you post mundane details of your life, you are in effect saying that your life is important and that people should read about it. Also, whether or not you admit it, having a blog with your name, your picture and your opinions strokes the human ego—it lifts you up. It essentially advertises the self! Many teenagers say, “Listen to me, world, and what I have to say,” when they should be focused on changing and cleaning up their lives.

It’s like, you’re sharing the story of your life, when you should be witnessing about your life’s journey… um, to finding Christ… wait.

If you blog, are you sure you do not partially enjoy it because your carnal nature is inclined toward vanity?

Yes. My carnal nature is inclined toward fucking. Also eating, and drinking, and sleeping late. And fucking; did I mention fucking?* My cerebral nature, on the other hand, the intellectual part that still insists on calling my body Brother Ass no matter how many times I remind it that I’m an atheist? That part is totally inclined toward vanity. Also, whatever part it is that makes me fix my hair in the mirror. Vanity, vanity, all is etc.

All right, I’ll wrap this up. There’s some more business about how every time you talk it’s sinful, and speaking about your own life is ungodly, and even, I swear, an admonition not to use “OMG” because it’s shorthand for taking the lord’s name in vain. Basically, the whole damned article is about how adolescents shouldn’t be wrapped up in themselves. Right. Like fish should cut it the hell out with the whole water-breathing thing.

The article ends by saying this:

All that said, you can—and SHOULD—maintain friends the “old-fashioned” way, through actual personal contact, as well as letter writing, emailing or instant messaging (see inset) [and insert Mark Foley joke here].

God’s Church is growing quickly, with many young people coming aboard. Be sure to reach out and get to know them. You will benefit and so will they, as you continue on the path toward the kingdom of God.

If I may be serious for a moment, the internet — blogs most definitely included — has been a great way for people to “fellowship,” as American Christians verb it. Livejournal, which the article singles out as being evil and frivolous, is actually a hugely successful community-building tool, even for people who don’t write slash fic. This article chaps my ass because it doesn’t have anything serious to say to a Christian kid looking for someplace to share her experience and build her faith. It just wants her to shut up and obey.

Why do I, the atheist, care? Because this article isn’t about Christianity. It’s about using Jesus as the means to get kids to be ashamed of thinking about the world and how they relate to it. And if I had to pick the greater evil between a) blogging and b) smothering a kid’s self-awareness and curiosity while it’s at its most vigorous, I don’t really have to hesitate when I make that choice.

Although, seriously, when you’re writing, if you type “ur” instead of “your,” you’re going straight to Hell. There’s nothing I can do about that.

*Note: Mom, Dad — little joke. I don’t fuck, ever.


2 thoughts on “God frowns

  1. belledame222

    Oh my, what a pungent little diatribe. “You think your life is important, well, you’re WRONG. stop talking about every little thing! stop talking! Just stop it!”

    the Authoritarian Personality in motion, luddites and germs.

  2. Steve

    Seriously, y’know, if one as an adult wants to embark on a spiritual journey to destroy your ego and achieve oneness with the godhead, cool. I respect that, actually. But trying to force kids to destroy their senses of self before they’ve even really had a chance to form? Just feed them lead paint chips and be done with it if you’re so hellbent on cognitively impairing children.

Comments are closed.