I was noodling around at Chris’s Invincible Super-Blog (n.b. the Strunk-and-White-approved s-apostrophe-s), clicking on the “best of” links, and came across his post about Count Dante, who used to advertise in the funny books.
Born John Keehan, he changed his name in the mid ’60s to Count Juan Raphael Dante and explained it by saying his parents were exiled nobility who fled the Spanish Civil War to hide in America. And if you’ve ever done anything that cool, then thanks for reading the ISB, Bruce Campbell. He then founded the Black Dragon Fighting Society and invented a technique called the Dance of Death, which means he did three things that are cooler than anything anyone I know has ever even thought of.
Any normal person would have been satisfied with accomplishments of that magnitude under their belt, but for Count Dante, inventing new fighting styles and claming to be royalty was a slow Tuesday night. According to Massad Ayoob, Dante “developed an obscene fascination with the most brutal part of the martial arts,” and that’s from the guy who founded the Lethal Force Institute and wrote The Complete Book of Handguns. He blasted other martial arts instructors for teaching watered-down styles to non-Asian students (a claim also made by Bruce Lee), got involved in an incident called the Dojo War (SWEET MOTHER OF MYSTERY!) and was arrested for taping dynamite to a rival dojo while drunk.
Let me say this:Â someday, I hope to fall in love with a wonderful woman, marry her, and have children.Â These children, I further hope, will grow to adulthood and pursue endeavors personally fulfilling to them, and if they should all live out their lives having never been arrested for taping dynamite to a rival dojo while drunk, I will die of shame, having failed as a parent.