Dear very persistent Googler,

I have no “whitey the clown” for you.  I’m not sure who would have it, but I know it ain’t me.

I do, however, have “baboon penis” from time to time, so if you’re reading this, other less persistent but more intriguing Googler, you’re in luck.

If you are both in fact the same Googler, taking a break from race-based clowning to enjoy some ape-dick, I hope you’ll pardon me if I greet you with a head-nod from over here, rather than shaking your hand.

Vaya con dios, and I shall remain,

Yours truly,


11 thoughts on “Dear very persistent Googler,

  1. Steve

    I was checking my referral logs, and someone clicked through to this site a bunch of times from the Google search results for the string “whitey the clown.” Why my site comes up when you search for whitey the clown, I know not. Someone also got here once by searching for “baboon penis.”

  2. pedro

    I know why it comes up for whitey the clown. It’s weird that you don’t see why yet.

    I’ll let that one sink in. Cracker.

  3. Nicole

    I know this is unrelated but I feel that this is a forum for scientific discussion- how does a planet just get declassified as a planet?? And what is My Very Excellent Mother Just going to Serve Us now????

  4. Kate

    I suspect planets can be declassified much in the same way that saints were demoted during Vatican II…

    Uranus? (sorry…couldn’t help it…)

  5. belledame222

    my favorite search string ever:

    “no one knows the true meaning of nipples and what they can do to our souls.”

    i have often pondered this, since, in the dead of night.

  6. Steve

    I’ve never got anything nearly as middle-school zen as that. The best I’ve ever done, to my own mind, was to have been, on my old blog, the “I Feel Lucky” number-one search result for “fucking Dominicans” on Google. The old blog was named “Birthday Cake” — I like to think that title was ambiguous enough that more than one person looking for very specific internet porn clicked on the link only to find a blog full of lefty politics and astronaut fetishizing.

    If I’m going to disappoint anyone, I am pleased to disappoint people searching for racial porn.

  7. Steve

    I love the Internet. This electronic agora has enabled us to come together in an unprecedented human conversation, and hash out the pressing intellectual projects of our time, such as making sure we have a name for every single sexual fetish that ever has been, or potentially could be, conceived by the human psyche.

    Also, a library of photographs of every kitten ever born, I think.

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