Men of Boston, I Implore You

I know we all decided lo those many years ago that it was okay to wear black shoes and shirts with khaki pants.  Indeed, a man may cut a fine figure in a black sweater and some khakis.  Black and brown, their enmity is not total; they can be brothers.

But some of you have extrapolated; you have assumed too broad a mandate.  You wear brown shoes under black or gray pants, and it looks like shit.  Stop.  Come back to us.  It’s not too late.  Buy a nice pair of black shoes, and while you’re at it, throw away those white athletic socks.

I’m Steve, and this has been “Men of Boston, I Implore You.”  Join us for our next episode, “Wearing your cellphone on a belt holster makes you look like an asshole.”

And next month, a very special episode we’re calling “People of Boston, I Implore You: Enough with the fucking Burberry tartan already, that shit was played out like five years ago, for serious.”

Good night.


26 thoughts on “Men of Boston, I Implore You

  1. Jennifer

    I vote for this to be a regular feature. You are right on.

    And Burberry. Seriously played out, people. It’s like the worst mix of khaki and vomit. Why would you put that on your body and walk around?

  2. Steve

    I think I pretty much blew my wad on this one. I have said all I must, and now can only hope my words are heeded.

  3. Nicole

    I like Burberry. You have bad taste, Steven. And you’re a big dork. I mean, hello. Cool kids don’t wear Transformer t-shirts or baseball hats that say X-Men.

  4. Graham

    As a guy who wears his bulky ass work Nextel phone on a holster, I protest being called an asshole. I understand if some I-bankers want to show off their phone on a belt clip. I have a Razr and I keep it in my pocket. However the brick that work gave me needs to stay on my belt, and I need to carry it for work. So suck it.

  5. Steve

    I didn’t say it makes you into an asshole, I said it makes you look like one.

    And I refuse to believe there isn’t a better way. Shoulder-holster, maybe?

  6. Tom

    I would argue the bluetooth headset goes further and makes you look like a pretentious asshole, whereas people with belt cells are just sort of like uncool dads and uncles – still essentially good people. Whereas the bluetooth headset wearers are tools who probably get manicures and who, as soon as they pass the bookstore threshold, never get past the first table of pop fiction. I suspect they also listen to Coldplay.

  7. Steve

    I wasn’t using “asshole” in the personality sense, but given that reading of the word, I would agree with your characterization. A bluetooth headset most definitely makes the wearer look like an asshole, and I’d be willing to say that the belt cell just makes you look like a chump.

  8. Nicole

    Girl perspective: belt holster = not sexy. Potentially chumpy, potentially a-holey, but the girls, they make fun of the guys with the belt holsters. Nick has a bluetooth headset though, and we love him.

  9. Ananth

    But the bluetooth headset is really cool, and opens your personal data up for attack through things like the this.

    Perhaps instead of a clipping on his belt, Graham can get some kind of European carry all, that preferably matches his shoes.

  10. Nicole

    Ohh a man purse. Definitely more along the lines of Steve’s original post, encouraging the men to be more fly and Euro.

  11. Graham

    Gentleman and lady,

    The place I work still has guys wearing short sleeve button downs with ties. It looks like those old black and white photos of the Apollo program. I think the man purse might get me fired….and called a communist.

  12. Kate

    As the wife of a belt hoslter-bluetooth headset-short-sleave/tie-wearing Super Nerd, I actually am at a loss. I guess we can never move to Boston.

  13. Tom

    Yeah, but Nick’s blue tooth phone is like, synchronized to the darknet GPS satellite network and his ipod playlists are mood-activated via pheromone-reading RFID chips. Which makes him cool.

    And you should wear thongs for him.

    (looks behind himself to see if there is, in fact, a line…)

  14. Nicole

    What makes me laugh a little bit is that poor Steve is trying to make his little patch of the blogosphere intellectual and we keep dragging it down.

  15. Steve

    No shit. But then again, I have the same problem commenting on political posts on other blogs, too. Sometimes one has something to contribute, but most of the time a post that just comments on some bit of news isn’t great fodder for discussion.

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